Ande yo caliente y ríase la gente
Babel Fish translation: La comodidad es mejor que orgulloThere’s a creepy applicant’s attorney that I run into at depos from time to time. I find him creepy because he hits on me all the time, even though I’ve made it abundantly clear that I’m not at all interested. He stares at me, makes inappropriate comments and makes me feel very uncomfortable. Not to mention that he knows that I’m married, and he knows I know he’s married. I’ve even worked with his wife a few times.
My problem is that I never know when I will be working on a depo that he’s on. I don’t find that out until I arrive for the assignment.
So on Thursday, I was unpleasantly surprised to find out he was the attorney on the case. He arrived fashionably late as usual, Starbucks in hand.
“Hey!!!… how are you? It’s so good to see you!” He said with an excessive amount of enthusiasm.
Crap!!! Here we go again!
“Oh. Hi.” I replied as unenthusiastically as I possibly could.
“Wow! You look great!! Have you had a makeover??” I couldn’t believe my ears…
a makeover?? Is he serious? Now how am I supposed to answer that kind of a stupid question??!!?? Obviously he’s been watching way too much reality TV. And... what on earth is he talking about?? I look the same as I always do! So I said nothing.
“No seriously… did you do something different with your hair? Is that a new suit?”
I stared right at him and with all the dryness and hostility I could muster I said “No.”
“So… I wanna’ know when it is we’re going to have lunch!!” He said.
I was starting to lose my patience at this point and I snapped back “We’re not. I already told you that’s not going to happen.”
He looked at me kinda’ funny and said “Yeah, but you never know…”
Eeeewwwww… The air conditioning wasn’t working very well in that office, and someone mentioned how uncomfortably hot it was. The creep looked at me and said “Yeah, it’s pretty hot in here… shouldn’t you take off your jacket?”
“No, I’m fine.” I said.
There is no way I’m going to take off this jacket! I don’t care if I melt. Actually… does anyone happen to have a burka?
This next part is unbelievable… if it weren’t for the fact that I had witnesses, I probably wouldn’t believe it myself.
During the deposition, he actually tried to take my picture a couple of times with his camera phone. Only I caught it out of the corner of my eye, and quickly moved my chair so that his client was blocking his view of me.
The room we were in was indeed getting very warm. Some of the office staff brought in a fan to cool it down a bit. “I really think you’d be more comfortable if you took off your jacket.” He said again, this time in a mocking tone. I gave him another cold stare, said nothing and I thought… And I really think I’d be more comfortable if you'd just shut up and leave me alone! This is one reason why it’s always a good idea to wear a business suit to these things. Beads of sweat were beginning to form on my forehead, and yet I proceeded to button up my jacket.
When everything was over, I waited for the court reporter so that I wouldn’t have to walk out to my car alone, and she said to me “Did you notice that he was trying to take your picture?? How scary was that? I almost stopped the depo to tell him to stop it.”
“Yeah, I did see that." I replied "I wish you had stopped it. If that ever happens again, I’m going to ask him to stop, on the record, and embarrass him. I don’t care what the defense attorney thinks.”
“Oh, he noticed it too. He said he was so weirded out by the whole thing that he felt like going home and taking a shower!”
This is pretty scary. I’m thinking some lessons in martial arts may be in order.
Spanglish Word of the Week
Quequi. "Hacíamos quequis de todas clases" she said. The sad thing is that this time I knew exactly what was meant. So without missing a beat I interpreted "We made all kinds of cakes."
What ever will become of my Spanish?
Babel Fish translation: 
